The “Twilight” Effect

“Why can’t you be more like Edward?”

Wow. How can a husband reply to such a statement?

Edward Cullen is the “vegetarian” vampire at the center of the “Twilight” book series by Stephenie Meyer. He is handsome, strong, intriguing, and unlike John Wayne, emotionally open.

To be compared to a fictional character who personifies the perfect man in a female writer’s mind is not a new phenomenon. Since the advent of the romance novel, many men have become inadequate in the eyes of their partner. With sexy book covers, the romantic gestures, the passion, the utter perfection of the male heroes in these books are almost impossible to compete with unless you become independently wealthy and don’t have to worry about anything but being a good lover.

The question really is, why does she turn to these books for satisfaction in the first place? What can you do as a husband to prevent her vivid imagination from becoming an unrealistic expectation in your real life marriage?

The key is to have an open relationship. No not open in that you can have sexual relationships with multiple partners, but open in your communication and understanding of each other. This is not to say men and women cannot have fantasies, but we cannot let our fantasies rule our lives.

It’s been said by many a man that they’ll never understand women. This may be true. The fact is though, that you don’t have to understand womEn; you only have to understand one womAn.

You have to take time. Talk to each other. Date each other. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can’t show interest in each other like you did before.

With the right atmosphere provided at home, instead of comparing you to her fantasies, you’ll be her fantasy.

Here’s the practical advice:

  • Plan date nights – it may not always work, but you should try for once a month at least. Better if once a week. (Remember dates don’t have to be expensive or elaborate)
  • Talk about your day – care for each other. Even if you don’t understand the job that someone does, be there for them. On the flipside, make sure you listen to her about her day too.
  • Fight fair – don’t bring up old stuff. Don’t call names. Never insult each other.
  • Be all you can be – if there is something you think you would do to woo your wife if you were only dating, do it! Don’t hold back on the good stuff, make her swoon!

Above all else: Love Your Wife!


About husbandtomywife

Just a man who loves one woman and wants to do it better.
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