One thing men are NOT known for is being able to adequately express feelings or emotions in words with any sort of ease. There is the occasional poetic genius, but for the most part, this is still an area men have to work on.
One of the easiest, low pressure ways to express in words for men is to write.
Writing love letters is a practice that has stood the test of time. Though many of these letters have perished over the centuries due to rot, decay, fire, or other forces: some are still around from the most famous of people (e.g. Napoleon Bonaparte) to the most humble (e.g. my great grandparents).
With the simplest of words and only the effort of wielding a pen, we can elicit from our wives reactions such as this one of William Wordsworth’s wife, Mary:
“It is not in my power to tell thee how I have been affected by this dearest of all letters – it was so unexpected – so new a thing to see the breathing of thy inmost heart upon paper that I was quite overpowered”
This isn’t your high school love note. Though you may feel like a kid again, the words
and emotion conveyed in a mature love note don’t just make your heart flutter, they make it feel as if it will burst. Now, not everyone of your letters will have the same effect, sometimes they are simple and ordinary. With practice and time though, you will find the right words that will bring music to her ears and have her hungry for more.
You don’t have to be poetic in your expression to be able to show your wife you love her. In the notes that I’ve read and written, they typically start very romantic, but then become something of a journal. Not that love is lost, but rather the notes change to reflect the maturity of love. They capture the thoughts and feelings of that point in time. Over time, they will become an expected and welcome part of your wife’s love life.
I’ve put together a Love Letter Guide page dedicated to helping you write. Feel free to add comments on your experiences.
Here’s the practical advice:
- Get a Notebook – Get a small spiral notebook like the one I have pictured. This keeps all the notes in one place. Kind of like a journal of your love. Keep it out of reach of the kids, and in a place you won’t lose it!
- Determine Frequency – When I first started writing to my wife, I thought every day was good. It became a chore and not fun. I changed to once a week. It worked for both of us. Find what works for your situation.
- Keep it Simple – Don’t try to use fancy words. It doesn’t have to rhyme or even be a specific length. Just write your thoughts about your wife and your relationship.
- Write Slowly – I know its painful, but for most of us our handwriting is barely legible to us let alone others. She’ll come to be able to translate your chicken scratch, but try to make it easier on her by focusing on making clear letters.
- Get Feedback – Ask your spouse if they got their note. You can gauge by the response if it was good or not. It often leads to open dialogue and your wife will tell you what she likes.
Above all else: Love Your Wife