Questions and Answers

Got a question about family life you want answered or have a topic you want Stephen to address? Post it here


2 Responses to Questions and Answers

  1. Skip says:

    What can you do when your wife isn’t speaking to you (two cases)? She’s either really upset (this seems fixable), or she’s done putting up with your shortcomings and has moved on emotionally (no longer in love with you)…

    • Couples not talking is one of the hardest situations. Its pretty difficult to communicate to resolve a problem when there’s radio silence.

      In both scenarios, its important to express in what ever way possible that you love her and that love is your motivation for trying to resolve whatever the root cause of the problem is. Showing your commitment to your marriage and to your companion is essential. If a wife is not speaking to a husband, you must find and use other forms of communication to restart open dialogue: write a note, send a letter, send an email. Its important to never use deception (like sending an email from a friend’s account). This will not help your cause. Be open, honest and forthright.

      For scenario 1, where she’s really upset with you, you’re absolutely right; it is fixable. If you know why she’s upset, work towards resolving whatever it is. If you don’t know why, you should try to find out. Ask her. If you get no answer, be introspective; evaluate yourself and behaviors to determine if you can identify what you did wrong. Put yourself in her shoes.
      Be gentle and loving, not demanding (remember your motivation in the line above). It isn’t always a quick fix, so stand ready to do what it takes. It may require a modification of your behavior, it may require that the both of you work together on a solution. It is of course unique how you work this out to your relationship.

      Scenario 2 – this is tough (which I’m sure is why you asked). Marriage is a sacred covenant, and 2 committed individuals become one in its union. When 1/2 of the union is disengaged, the whole could crumble. Couples committed to honoring their sacred covenants should seek help in this dire situation.

      Seek marriage counseling, seek spiritual guidance.

      Avoid the things that have brought both of you to this point. Again, this must be approached in love and humility. Do NOT let your ego get in the way; stand ready to negotiate compromises acceptable to both of you. In the extreme case where your wife is “no longer in love with you”, it may take a restart. Date your wife. Take the time to reacquaint yourselves with each other.

      Bear in mind through all of this, the overarching principle in this life is that each of us as free agency to choose for ourselves. No matter how much we may want to, we cannot, nor should we try to arrest the agency of others, even if it affects us adversely.

      I hope this helps you. It is not an easy road, but marriage is worth it.

      Feel free to email me if you have more specific concerns

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